Friday, August 21, 2009

Here is a somewhat disturbing shoe I found at Ross. 
Still trying to figure out why this obviously confused manager is actually attempting to sell the pair in Utah.  And in the women's section no less!
Where there's a will
 there's a way

Dear Aunt Flo

You know what I’ve decided really sucks to pay for? Besides, everything that is. TAMPONS. I’ve made a list of reasons why this is so.

#1. They are expensive (unless you decide to buy the cardboard crap which I STRONGLY DO NOT RECOMMEND)

#2. You are spending your hard earned money on a piece of plastic that goes in a place where the sun doesn’t shine and is ruled by Governor PAIN

#3. When you go to buy them, you’re typically already not in a good mood due to the classic PMS symptoms taking control of your brain, therefore making the tampon buying THAT much more ridiculous

#4. After feeling fumed and frazzled, you then have to endure the pathetic frightened little look the wimpy, zit-faced sixteen year old checkout boy has on his face as he quickly scans the tampon box and whisks it out of sight as if it might make him grow boobs if he touches it for too long. Grow up bambi!

#5. On the drive home from the store, you think of how stupid it is that you had to go to store, and spend money on stupid tampons, and you think of all the things you could have bought INSTEAD of the stupid tampons, and how if you were a BOY you wouldn’t HAVE to buy stupid tampons, or make-up, or jewelry, or hair products, or skin products, OR anything else that is expensive yet needed to compete with the other females to score a male in the mating world! A guy can buy all his clothes at DI and shower once a week and still find a lady friend who fawns over him. The injustice! It is then you are awakened by a rudening epiphany: It sucks to be a girl!

Anyway, back to PMS. Good news is, in a couple days you’ll get over it. Until approx 23-28 days later when you have to experience it again. Don’t you just LOVE mother nature?


Carved Branch Style with Ring Enhancer

My friends know how picky I am when it comes to men. Well it happens to be my misfortune that I’m pretty much the same way with everything else. Well as not to cause myself and future husband to be too much grief, I decided to start researching on the type of ring that I want. All I'm going to say, is that if I’m going to be wearing it for the rest of my life, I'D BETTER FREAKIN LOVE IT. Well, after only a few short hours (I've been chained at home deathly ill--gimme a break) I came across these majestic beauties. Ahhh love at first sight! 

Not to say this is EXACTLY what I want, but it’s the closest I’ve found SO FAR. Haha my poor husband

Oh the questions of life

So I was thinking the other day, what does the F-E stand for in FEmale? 

Freakishly Emotional male?

Found Estrogen (in) male?

Fairly Erotic male?

Why do WE have to be the ones with the mood changing hormones?

Larenxes, Glacitus and max laryngitus La voce to me!

I’ve decided that I have a thing for guys who sing like girls. I happen to be a big American Idol fan and Adam Lambert is the new love of my heart. Well his voice anyway. As for the rest of him…  kinda gross. Not to mention, gay. But I’m not holding that against him. So here is

Specimen #1

Moving on, over my long hours on YouTube, you’d be surprised at how many other freakish she-man singers there are out there. For example: Nick Pitera. Looks normal enough (though he strikes me a strong resemblance of Buzz Lightyear). Sings beautifully as a male….. and a female. Check it out if you haven’t already.

Specimen #2:


Specimen #3  Hot bald Russian dude. 

It doesn’t get better than that. Though it is kinda perturbing when a male can about TWO octaves higher than me.



Ok so I’m on (wow that’s a mouthful) looking for a cute template when, no joke, I find the following template backgrounds:

-Quilted Horse

-Haulin Dirt

-John’s Tractor (huh?)


-(And other randoms)


But my personal favorite...

-Autism awareness background.  What the HELL is that?

School Shopping

So my sister just started school this week and I was observing earlier this morning how her wardrobe has suddenly exploded with brand new outfits she’ll have for the first month of school. Do you old single lady college students remember those days? Back to school shopping when your mom paid for everything? Man, that was the best. But as I tried not to peruse her new donnage with wild envy (being as I’m still in the paper sack I wore to highschool), I suddenly remembered the REASON it was important to wear new clothes the first week of school and I suddenly didn’t feel so bad.

So what it ultimately came down to was this:

 if I had to choose between buying MY OWN clothes and puberty, preppies, cliques, the unremitting need to fit in, zits, raging hormones, and terribly low self-esteem, etc, etc, etc

Hand me my credit card.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Happy Blog-Birthday to Me!!

Greetings! To all my fellow bloggees, bloggists, or just plain old boring bloggERs. YES, I am aware of the fact that I have been MIA in the blogging universe until this bright and glorious day. And YES, I am also aware that I am writing as to a reader there is no existing party at the present time. NO, I will NOT admit to being somewhat insane because of this because I am, in fact, WHOLELY insane. I’m just good at putting on a good “sane” face for the kiddies. 


The people who know me aren’t.

Anyway, GAY (as in happy) BLOG-BURFDAY TO ME-IST!! Hope I’m not the only one that’s excited

Ok, so as a prelude to the birthing process of this oh-so spectacular blog, one might ask “What finally motivated her to do it?” Create my blog, I mean. Well, besides my deep inner need to relinquish bitter diatribes on poor unsuspecting readers, I decided it was time to voice my thoughts and experiences of everyday occurrences. Most of these subjects are things that everyone experiences but few people take the time to write down. My best friends happen to be some of these few people and I wanted to join in on the fun. Besides that, it’s nice to PRETEND somebody actually gives a ...


I can’t promise my blog will be interesting. But I can promise it will be full of random-GOODNESS (and of course the occasional wickedness.) Feel free to leave comments, opinions, experiences, or complaints.

Just don’t disrupt my chi.